WhenShould I Tell My Spouse I am Filing for Divorce?

Todd Orston:

Welcome everyone to Divorce Team Radio, sponsored by the Divorce and Family law firm of Meriwether & Tharp. I'm your host, Todd Orston. And here, you're going to learn about divorce, family law, and from time to time, even tips on how to save your marriage if it's in the middle of a crisis. If you want to read more about us, you can always check us out online at atlantadivorceteam.com.

All right, let's get started. Today, I want to talk about general divorce strategies. There are questions that come up all the time and that seems to be a theme recently about the questions that I get, but that's the best way I know to help educate people. These are common questions and these are common strategic considerations that people basically deal with on a regular basis. And so we're going to do a deep dive.

All right, let's get started. So the first strategic question, should I tell my spouse I'm filing? I get it all the time. So someone is unfortunately thinking about a divorce, they're thinking about their next steps, they're doing all of the things they should be doing in order to prepare, but that question comes up, should I tell my spouse? And people think of it in terms of, "Well, I want this to be amicable," and you want for it to be amicable, both parties to act in good faith, to negotiate fairly. You don't want to play unnecessary games that will only prolong the case and basically prevent you reaching a timely agreement. All right. So many people think that that's the way you have to start the case. How you let the other party know is simply an extension of this thought. So I agree it is. There are more aggressive ways to start a case and less aggressive and sometimes, if not, oftentimes the more aggressive approach that's not doing anything to bring the other party to the settlement table.

Meriwether & Tharp, we are a resolution-focused firm. Now, what does that mean? It doesn't mean that we are afraid of the fight, it just means we're not going to drag our clients unnecessarily into a fight. If there are strategies that we can employ that are going to help bring everybody to the table so we can deal with issues reasonably and come up with a solution that works for everyone, then that's what we're going to do. So as you can probably imagine in terms of how you let your spouse know, there's a big difference, just how about service, meaning to start the case, you have to serve the other party. We've all seen it on TV. Are you Mr. Smith? You've been served. So there's a big difference between a sheriff deputy showing up at your spouse's work and serving documents and presenting your spouse with a document called an acknowledgement of service where it's basically a form and they can fill it out, get it back to you. One is going to cause a lot of embarrassment, which will then translate to anger. And, of course, that's not going to do anything to keep that other party reasonable and hopefully get you guys to a table where you can negotiate terms and get through this emotionally difficult process.

So there are a lot of people where they'll start and they'll say, "Well, I want to sit down tonight. I've now spoken with an attorney. I've now hired an attorney. Tonight, I'm going to at the ... After dinner, I'm going to sit down and I'm going to tell them that I've hired an attorney." Is that a good idea? Most of the time, I will say no. And that is not gameplaying. All right. And, of course, I don't know the spouse, I don't know how they're going to react if you do things one way versus another, but strategically speaking, it's probably not the best idea to just give them advanced notice before you've done anything to prepare that you are, in fact, moving forward with this action.

So, of course, going back to I don't know the other party, there may be reasons and that's something you can talk to an attorney about to explain, "Hey, this is why." There are plenty of people who come to us and they're like, "Look, I've already told my spouse, I'm going to be talking to an attorney so they know." Okay. Well then that's fine if you've already opened up that door. But most of the time, I will say hold off. And I'm going to explain why. So the minute that you let the other party know that you are moving forward with an action, what can they do? They can react. Maybe it's a reasonable reaction, but maybe not. And so you have to think not just in terms of, "Well, I'm being forthcoming and I want this to be amicable and therefore I'm just going to go ahead and tell you," and you can't think of the here and now. You have to think about, "Okay, well, what happens if the reaction is negative?"

So you need to keep that in mind. And strategically speaking, I will often tell people, just wait. All right. And that doesn't mean that there's not a middle ground. It's not, "Well, if I'm not telling them tonight, then I guess we have to just file and serve them at work." Well, no, there is a middle ground. Oftentimes I'll tell people, "Okay, better idea is let's talk about what the issues are. Let's figure out what we're going to have to deal with, what we're going to have to resolve. If there are children, let's talk about what parenting time is going to look like. Let's talk about decision-making authority. Let's figure out on a temporary basis, meaning let's wrap our heads around where are you going to live? Where's the other party going to live? Where are the children going to stay? Who's going to make certain decisions?" All of those kinds of things. Let's just at least have an idea.

Let's talk about support. Do you have the need for alimony or do you anticipate you might have to pay alimony? Let's think about your budget. Let's anticipate the questions that might come up and then let's go ahead and at least start drafting. Better idea would be, let's get the documents, the initial pleadings. And by initial pleadings, I mean complaint for divorce, the case initiation forms that have to be filed. If there are children, let's get the basics of a parenting plan. Basically information ... Excuse me, information relating to custody and parenting time. Let's wrap our heads around what that might look like. Let's get the basic documents done. And then doesn't mean that you race to court and file. All right. What it means is you are ready.

So let's say you sit down at the kitchen table and you talk to your spouse and you say, "I'm moving forward with the divorce." You are hopeful it would be a positive, not positive, but a healthy reaction. But what if the other party doesn't? What if, all of a sudden, the next morning, you wake up and you're cut out of being able to access any bank accounts? What if you don't have access to funds? What if, all of a sudden, you wake up, the children are in a car driving somewhere and you don't know where. Now, all of a sudden, if you haven't gotten started, you have to contact that lawyer, say, "Yes, I'm ready to retain" ... Stuff is happening, you're scrambling, as opposed to you have documents ready to go. If the other party's reaction is a healthy reaction, a calm reaction, then great. Then you're basically going to take those documents, you've told the other party, you're going to go ahead and file, present them with a package that includes that acknowledgement of service. You don't have to have them formally served. And hopefully, you haven't triggered a very aggressive reaction from the other party.

So again, I'm not saying that you need to race to court. As a matter of fact, oftentimes we'll say let's not. Let's see if we can't serve the other party by means of an acknowledgement of service. Let's keep a sheriff deputy as far away from this case as possible. We don't need to serve them. And, of course, that sometimes is not possible. If you think there's a flight risk, if there are some extenuating circumstances that require you to have them served, it might not even be appropriate for a sheriff deputy. You might need what's called a special process server, but let's try and avoid that. But let's be prepared. If you're prepared, then you can react quickly and efficiently and you can get the help that you need. Remember, until this case begins, until not only have you filed but you have served the other party, you can't look to the court for help. So if the reaction is aggressive, if the reaction is unfortunate, you may not be able to quickly look to the court for help. So this strategy that I'm talking about, it is merely to give you the tools necessary to react as quickly as possible so that if it's an unfortunate reaction, you can protect yourself quickly.

All right. When we come back, I'm going to consider another question, which is, should I move out of the marital residence? We'll be right back.

Speaker 2:

I just wanted to let you know that if you ever wanted to listen to the show live, you can listen at 1:00 a.m. on Monday mornings on WSB, so you can always check us out there as well.

Todd Orston:

Better than counting sheep, I guess, right?

Speaker 2:

That's right.

Todd Orston:

You can turn on the show and we'll help you fall asleep.

Speaker 2:

There you go.

Todd Orston:

I'll talk very softly.

Welcome back, everyone, to Divorce Team Radio, a show sponsored by the Divorce and Family law firm of Meriwether & Tharp. If you want to read more about us, you can always check us out online at atlantadivorceteam.com. And if you want to read a transcript of the show or go back and listen to it again, you can find it at divorceteamradio.com. I'm your host, Todd Orston, partner at Meriwether & Tharp. And we're talking today about some bigger strategic questions that come up quite often. And the first question we asked had to do with, when should I tell the other party. Before I've taken any real steps to move the case forward, should I go ahead and tell them? And my answer was, while it may be necessary at times, strategically, usually I tell people, hold on, do some basic legwork, get some things prepared, be ready for a negative reaction.

And then if that's the way you want to proceed and if we feel that strategically it makes sense, absolutely, have that conversation with the other party and hopefully, like I said, the reaction's good. And if it's not, you're ready. You can get protection, you can look to the court for help more quickly. So now the question that we're going to ask or answer and deal with is, should I move out of the marital residence? Not a simple question. And generally speaking, I will tell people no. Don't just leave. And please understand. I know there's a lot more to that question and sometimes it may be unavoidable, but once you're out, you're out.

There are some people who are like, "Well, I'll move out but then I'll come back. If something happens, I'll come back." But it's not quite often, it's not that simple. Cases can take months, sometimes even more than a year. And so if you decide to move out and you haven't done some things to protect yourself, then that failure to protect yourself, that could impact you for many, many months. So usually, I will tell people, if at all possible, stay in the home. If that means move to the basement, go into another bedroom, do whatever you can to keep the peace, but at least temporarily stay put.

And again, going back to sometimes their safety concerns, if we're dealing with issues of abuse, and that could be emotional abuse, that could be verbal abuse, that could be physical abuse. If we are dealing with dangerous situations where people are, let's say, if there's a mental health concern, if there are just behavioral issues, drugs, alcohol, other things, then, of course, anyone's advice needs to be you get safe, take whatever steps you need in order to protect yourself. Absolutely. All right. Putting those more emergency-like issues aside, if those kinds of factors aren't present, then I typically will tell people, just wait. All right. Because once you're out, access to the home will be limited. Access to children can be impacted, access to just the property can be affected.

And I also want to very quickly just say, remember, moving out does not affect equitable division in Georgia, it's equitable division, but it does not here impact your claims to the property, meaning in terms of division of the property, unless we're talking about you moved out six years ago, haven't paid a dime towards the mortgage, can that impact a judge's decision as to whether or not the other party should get a larger share of that asset? Yeah, of course. But again, we're not talking about some extreme situations like that. So if you ... And some people will call and they'll say this, they'll say, "I can't stay there. I can't. For my mental health, it's not healthy, it's not healthy for children because we're constantly at each other."

Then I get it. But I usually tell people, let's ... And when I say usually, I mean always. Then let's deal with some of the issues that we know are going to come up and memorialize it in a temporary order so that you're protected. All right. I've seen people where they think, "Well, I'll be able to go back in and get my personal property." And an example is winter clothes. I got myself a small apartment, I'm not going to bring all of my winter clothes with me, so I'll just go back in and get it. And weeks go by and we are going back and forth saying, "Just give us the coat and the winter clothes, come on, be reasonable." And the other party just doesn't want to be reasonable. And we may have to look to the court for assistance.

So I typically will say, let's deal with those issues. So, for instance, if you're leaving property behind, how do you get it? How can you access that property during the pendency of the case? Most importantly, children. I've seen people say, "Todd, I'm going to move out." Well, hold on, hold on, hold on. Now, I've spoken with my spouse and I'm not worried. We've always worked well together and I have assurances that I'll be able to see the kids when I want. And unfortunately, that's not the case. And then they're calling the office saying, "It's been a week, it's been two weeks." And every time I call and say, "Hey, can I visit?," there's an excuse. Well, they're sleeping, well, they're tired, well, they're doing homework, well, well, well.

So if you need to move out, I will also say, let's deal with temporary custody issues. While we're negotiating final terms, let's deal with issues on a temporary basis. So if I'm living over here in a house, apartment, whatever it might be, when can I visit? When will I be able to come pick up the children, take them, keep them with me overnight, whatever? What holidays that are coming up that I know? If I know Christmas is around the corner, let's deal with the Christmas holiday. If I know summer is coming up, let's deal with those holidays. Let's put a complete plan together and it should not take that long if everyone's being reasonable. But let's put a complete plan together so that when you move out, you have that level of protection.

You have a document, a court order that you can look to and that you can move to enforce if the other party starts, for lack of a better way of putting it, playing games. If they act badly, you can look to the court and say, "Judge, we have an order. Here it is. These are the terms. I've only asked for compliance with those terms and the other party is failing to comply." And going back to custody, before I move on to any other issues, I have seen people go weeks, if not, longer. And it becomes, obviously, a heartbreaking, huge issue that we now need to, on an emergency basis, appeal to the court for help.

So I usually present it this way to people, if this is what you want, I get it. And if this is what the other party wants, then that's fine. Then you know you have a little bit of leverage. I hate to put it in these terms, but you need to think of it this way, at least this is the way I think of it. Then you have some leverage. You know they would like to have sole use and possession of the house during the pendency of the case, that's fine. Then you need something in return. And that doesn't mean dollars.

You're not saying, "Pay me X and I'll move." That's not what I'm saying. You just need an agreement, let's just deal with these issues and then I'll move out. It'll help us keep the peace, that's fine. Whatever the reasoning is, the justification, it doesn't matter. But as long as I know that I'm protected, then that's fine. You can have sole use and possession of the house, but at least I know my kids, my property, all of those things are protected.

There are issues also where just access to the home period, it creates a problem. For instance, let's say the parties go into this process and they're talking about selling the home and you move out. Well, have you dealt with who's paying the expenses for the house? Have you dealt with who is responsible for the upkeep? Have you dealt with, is the house being maintained in a manner that it's ready for showings? I've seen situations where parties are like, "Yeah, we'll sell, we'll sell, we'll sell."

But then, all of a sudden, the lawn isn't being cut and the house isn't being cleaned and real estate agents are calling saying, "Yeah, I was finally allowed into the house and it's a wreck." So again, I'm not saying you should never move, the message here is just be smart and anticipate some potential problems. Think about the issues that could come up and how you can protect yourself. And if you do that, hopefully, you're going to avoid these bigger problems. And bigger problems means more work, more appearances before a judge, more effort to try and get you the protection that you need.

All right. When we come back, I'm going to keep going with these strategic questions and here's another common one that comes up, should I get a job? That's a difficult one, but we're going to tackle it when we come back.

Hey, everyone, you're listening to our podcast, but you have alternatives, you have choices. You can listen to us live also at 1:00 a.m. on Monday morning on WSB.

Speaker 2:

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Todd Orston:

Welcome back, everyone, to Divorce Team Radio. I'm Todd Orston, your host and partner at the Divorce and Family law firm of Meriwether & Tharp. If you want to read more about us, you can check us out online at atlantadivorceteam.com. And if you want to read a transcript of the show or go back and listen to it again, you can find it at divorceteamradio.com. And also, if you want to listen to it live, you can listen at 1:00 a.m. and, on Mondays, WSB. So plenty of ways to get the content and to listen and read about the show.

So today, we're talking about strategy questions relating to divorce. We've already hit, when should I tell my spouse? We've already touched on, should I move out of the house? Now, let's talk about one that comes up all the time. Usually, it is coming from, the question is coming from the party who is, let's say, a stay-at-home mom, the person, the spouse in a relationship who has not worked for some period of time. And obviously, the question is coming up because it is and could have an impact on support questions. Should I get a job when I know I'm going to be asking for alimony? Should I get a job because I know it could impact the child support that I can get? So this question comes up all the time and it comes up from the payor spouses, the people who might have to pay the alimony because they're like, "Hey, my spouse does not work. Am I going to have to pay alimony? Am I going to have to pay the full amount potential amount of child support?"

And so let's deal with this question. Should I get a job? And the response I normally give people is it's usually going to benefit you to be looking for a job. Does that mean your spouse walks in and says, "I know you haven't worked for 10 years but I'm filing tomorrow so you better have a job, you better just go get one tomorrow." That's not what I'm saying. You have to look at everything in a reasonable manner, all right. And that's not reasonable. But what I typically talk to people about is, look, judges are going to expect that at some point you will be, can be, are going to be self-reliant. And while there are situations, gray divorces, where we're dealing with someone who has worked for 25 years, the other party has created or built up a big nest egg and they are still working, let's say, but it's just too late.

The most that the non-working spouse could hope to accomplish would be some minimum wage job. Then, of course, we might be looking at not just alimony, but maybe even a permanent alimony award. One that lasts for a very long time simply because there's much less runway for that non-working spouse to go out and build their own career. Their efforts, raising children, maintaining the home, all very hard work, that's what allowed the other party to focus on the job, to focus on career. That's the team effort. But people will come to me and they'll say, "Todd, I'm not working right now. Should I go find a job?" And what I'll say is, look, it probably will benefit you, go start looking.

Try to figure out what you need to do to become self-reliant. A, the judge is going to appreciate the effort. So when the other side is like, "And she's just not doing anything," and bon bons and whatever ridiculous arguments, then your attorney can look and, at the appropriate time, say or question you about, "Hey, what are you doing to help yourself to become self-reliant?" Well, I'm looking at these programs because I need some training. I've sent out these resumes, I'm talking to people, meeting with people, and I've gone on a couple of interviews.

Then the court's going to look and go, hopefully, and think, "Okay, well, this is somebody who hasn't worked for two, five more years and they're already taking some significant steps as opposed to." And I've seen this argument come up a year into litigation where, unfortunately, opposing counsel goes on that attack and is like, "Well, what are you doing to try and find a job? It's been 12 months." Well, I'm trying. Well, what are you doing? Well, I went online. Okay, what kind of a job? Yeah, but there's nothing available. Really? Well, that's interesting because for that kind of a job, here are 273 listings of jobs that are available. Have you applied to these? No, you haven't. Now, all of a sudden, the court's looking going, "Well, clearly, you're not really trying, you're not putting forth any effort and you just want to, unfortunately, get as much of this alimony as possible." So it looks good to the court.

Secondly, the other thing is I will usually tell people that depending on what kind of work you can do and income you can earn, the benefit from that employment income is usually greater than the support that you might receive. And that's something that you can sit down and you can work those numbers out. So I'm not saying that this applies to everyone, but I'm saying oftentimes, for instance, you might look and say, "Well, what can you do? What can you do to earn money?" And we start crunching those numbers. And we look, we see, well, you might be able to clear $2,500 a month. Okay, great. And then we look at the other party's income.

And we consider it in terms of child support, we consider in terms of alimony and, altogether, it might not even be 2,000. So here, we have a situation where you might be able to benefit more, right? You can work and get 2,500 when you might only be able to get upwards of 2,000 in total support from the other party. So financially, it might make sense. Secondly, at some point, the court is going to force the issue. Child support, obviously. If you are the primary, that's going to continue. But alimony, there's going to be an end, usually. And the court's going to look at duration of the marriage, your need versus the other party's ability to pay.

So there are a number of factors, but at some point, the court's going to want you to be self-reliant. So I will usually say to people, look, if you know you're going to have to work at some point, start looking. Okay, it doesn't mean go take the first job possible, but just go start looking because it's probably better for you because you're going to get back on track, you're going to be more in control of your finances and you're going to start moving forward with your own career. So that is a conversation I have with people all the time. And in terms of the efforts that you are making, like I said, I'm not telling you just go take the first job possible. All right.

This is one of those situations where with alimony and child support, obviously, if you're entitled to it, if there is the ability to make that claim, you're going to get some alimony, you're going to get the child support. But there's one other thing that people forget, those amounts are modifiable. So the last point that I would make on this question is remember that anything that is done can be redone. So you don't have a job or the other party doesn't have a job, you might agree to something or you might get something in terms of an amount for alimony. You might get a large amount of alimony, you might get a large amount of child support, but remember, at some point, the court's going to be expecting you to be more self-reliant.

And also, if you think ... Because there are some people who are like, "Well, I'll start looking after I get basically an award of support. I'll wait." Okay, well, that might buy you a few months of a larger support award. But the flip side is the minute that you find that first job, the minute you start earning the income, it can open the door to a modification, a revision of that amount. In essence, a reduction usually. And I know some listeners might be like, "Well, doesn't that mean that I shouldn't go find a job, I shouldn't take a job?" Again, the court's going to expect you at some point to be working. So this goes to the people who are like, "Well, I'm not going to race out. Let's get an order in place and then I'll start looking. Then I know I need to get a job. I know the court will expect that. I'll go take a job." That's fine, but really, you're just buying yourself some extra time and probably some frustration on the other side, which can just increase the cost because there's more litigation. But at that point, it can be revised, modified, and you may have to pay a larger amount at that point.

All right. Going into the last segment, I want to talk about something that, again, comes up all the time and it can be before or after a marriage. In the last segment, I want to talk about our prenuptial and postnuptial agreements. Good tools to think about. Should I get a pre or postnuptial agreement? Be right back.

Speaker 2:

I just wanted to let you know that if you ever wanted to listen to the show live, you can listen at 1:00 a.m. on Monday mornings, WSB. So you can always check us out there as well.

Todd Orston:

Better than counting sheep, I guess, right?

Speaker 2:

That's right.

Todd Orston:

You can turn on the show and we'll help you fall asleep.

Speaker 2:

There you go.

Todd Orston:

I'll talk very softly.

Welcome again to Divorce Team Radio, a show sponsored by the Divorce and Family law firm of Meriwether & Tharp. If you want to read more about us, you can always check us out online at atlantadivorceteam.com. And if you want to read a transcript of the show or go back and listen to it again, you can find us at divorceteamradio.com.

All right. So we're talking about these strategic questions. When should I tell my spouse? Should I move out of the house? Should I get a job? Well, now let's talk ... And maybe I should have started with this, but it is what it is. We're going to deal with it. This is a question of pre and postnuptial agreements and the value. So what are they? Basically, they are agreements entered into by parties that define rights in the event of a divorce. And obviously, a prenuptial agreement, pre, it's before the actual wedding, the marriage. A postnuptial agreement is after the fact and you're going to have to look in whatever jurisdiction you're in. But in Georgia, you can do a pre or a postnuptial agreement.

And so what you're basically doing by entering into that pre or postnuptial agreement is you're saying, "Okay, I get it. I understand state law may require or state law may allow for me to fight for certain rights for certain things." For instance, property. Here in Georgia, it's equitable division. Equitable doesn't necessarily mean equal. It's what is fair and reasonable under the specific circumstances of your particular case. So that means someone can come in and try and argue for, let's say, something more than 50%. These factors exist and therefore it is more reasonable for me to get 55%, 60%, whatever of the marital assets. So a pre or postnuptial agreement that deals with property, for instance, can say that in the event of a divorce, all marital property defined as this shall be divided in equal shares, 50-50.

So by doing that, you are basically circumventing, if you will, Georgia law. You're basically saying, "No, no, no, I get it. Equitable division doesn't necessarily need to be equal, but we are going to do equal." And there are formalities that you have to follow in order to make sure that the pre or postnuptial agreement is enforceable. It is not one of those, we sat down at the kitchen table, wrote on the back of a piece of loose leaf, this is our agreement, and now we are bound by the terms of this pre or postnuptial agreement. If you don't do the right things, if you don't prepare it properly and include the right information, then it is not worth the paper it is written on. So as a tool, is it a good tool? Yeah, it really is. Absolutely. And there are people who will come to me and they'll say, "Well, but we're getting married, we have nothing. Why is it a good tool?"

It's a good tool because it doesn't matter what you have now, especially for a prenuptial agreement. It's not about what do you have now. It's about what could you have in the future and do you want to have to argue about how it's going to be divided, that marital property, in the future? And by the way, everything I'm saying, I'm not ignoring the emotional cost or effect. You're talking about flowers and balloons and dancing and, yay, we're going to have so much fun, by the way, if and when we get divorced. All right. That's difficult, I get it. It's a downer when you're talking about the happiness associated with a wedding. I get it.

But if you think of it long term, if you think about this marriage strategically and long term and you're like, "Look, I don't want to have to fight with you later on," then it's a great tool to avoid the fight if and when your marriage doesn't work, if you do have to consider and go forward with a divorce. So in terms of prenuptial agreements, a great tool. And pre and post also, let me be very clear. For the most part, I'm speaking here about here in Georgia. What we're dealing with is really limited to alimony, spousal support, and division of property and debt. The other two, what we call core divorce issues, which would be custody-related issues and child support, cannot be defined by means of a pre or postnuptial agreement because what you agree to today may not be applicable one, two, three, five, 10 years in the future or even 10 days. And those issues need to be approved by the court and comply with state law.

For instance, you could enter into an agreement that says, "Well, mom will get primary custody and dad will pay $2,500 in support because he has a great job." And six months later, a year later, two, five, 10 years later, they move forward with a divorce, they pull out that prenup, dad is unemployed and mom has a significant substance abuse issue. Well, clearly, the court's not going to say she should be the primary and dad should pay support at that amount. So the court will not accept those terms.

So you need to understand that as far as a prenuptial agreement goes, though, it's still on the issues of division of property. I've seen cases go months and months and months because parties are fighting over alimony or fighting over division of property and debt. This can avoid or help to avoid the fight. Now, postnuptial agreements more often occur, pardon me, when parties are experiencing stress in their relationship. They know divorce is a possibility and they're like, "Look, if our reconciliation efforts don't work, then maybe a postnup would be good. And we can just here and now before we get into the effort that it's going to take to fix what's broken, let's just deal with property, let's just deal with alimony, let's deal with those issues." I'm not saying it's not tricky. I'm not saying that it might not be the wedge that, unfortunately, just makes reconciliation not possible.

But there are also plenty of situations where they do it and they can avoid a divorce because it's like, "Okay, you know what, one of the stresses is we're trying to reconcile," but let's say in a situation, the wife is a stay-at-home mother and is sitting there worrying, "Well, if we get a divorce, how am I going to live? Am I going to have the support I need to make sure that I'm okay?" So going into reconciliation efforts we've seen, unfortunately, they're so caught up in that fear, they can't really focus on the relationship, they can't focus on what it's going to take to fix whatever is broken in that relationship. So postnuptial agreements can be very valuable tools. And understand, once you enter into this agreement, if it's properly done, you are bound.

And I want to stress that. Putting aside the limitations on what you can deal with, putting aside the effort and the impact, emotional and otherwise, all right, let's say all of that works out. Just remember when you enter into this kind of an agreement, you are bound and it is very hard to get out of it. So there have been appellate cases and, obviously, many trial cases where someone wakes up and they've entered into a prenup and basically the terms don't work for them. There have been cases where it is pretty unfortunate. A spouse starts a business, grows that business to the tune of millions of dollars, but the prenup said, basically, it's his or hers, and the other party can't have any portion of it. And unfortunately, you will be bound.

Hey, that's unfair, while many moons ago that used to be a potential defense, unconscionability. That's not a defense anymore. So when it comes to pre and postnuptial agreements, I will say this, make sure you seek help from an attorney. There are enough technicalities and technical requirements that if you don't do it right, it's just not even worth doing it. So A, talk to them because you want to make sure technically you do it right, but, B, it's not an agreement that you should take lightly or go into unprepared because knowing you will be bound, you need to go into this eyes wide open thinking about, "Okay, well, what will the impact be on me in the future? If I enter into this agreement right now and bide myself to these terms, am I going to be financially okay? Will I be treated fairly?"

All right. Well, hopefully, this information was valuable. And that's our show. So thanks so much for listening. See you next time.