Avoid These 12 Divorce Pitfalls

Speaker 1 (00:06):

Welcome everyone to Divorce Team Radio, sponsored by the divorce and family law firm of Merriweather and Thorpe. I'm your host, Todd Orton, and here you will learn about divorce family law from time to time, even tips on how to save your marriage if it's in the middle of the crisis. If you want to read more about us, you can always check us out online@atlantadivorceteam.com. Alright, let's get started. So what I want to talk about today, it is not something new. It is something that comes up unfortunately too often and people call, I talk to people every day and they call and everyone has a unique story of course, but there are commonalities. There are things that come up in calls again and again and again and it's about mistakes that people make, things they do that hurt them, don't help them. And when you're dealing with a legal action, when you're dealing with a divorce or some other kind of family law matter, any legal matter really, these mistakes can have a long lasting impact. They can be serious enough that when you do finally seek help, it may be too late, it may result in terms that will be in place and you can't change for years and years and years and that's obviously something you want to avoid. It's something that attorneys obviously fight every day to avoid bad results for their clients. So today what I want to do is I want to go over 12 of these things.

(02:12):

You need to understand 12 things that you need in order to be successful to avoid some of these pitfalls. 12 things that if you follow this short list and you do some of these things, it's going to sort of propel you in a direction that is hopefully more beneficial to you. It's going to avoid some of these pitfalls. I'm talking about these people that call me and we talk about the things we're going to talk about in this show. They bring up issues, they request things, they describe what has happened and I keep going back to stuff we talk about again and again where I'm like, Ugh, had you only done this? Had you done that? Had you thought of something and done something?

(03:13):

Unfortunately, here we are. Maybe an order has already been entered, something has happened and undoing it. Oftentimes it's not possible. I can tell you one thing, you must understand this isn't part of the 12. If you go through the process and it results in an order, just because you don't like the terms of the order doesn't mean you undo. It doesn't mean you get to have a do-over whatever happened in court. It is what it is and the court's order more than likely is going to stand. It's going to be the order. And so that's why these 12 things we're going to talk about are things that you must keep in mind and they must govern your actions because if you ignore it, if you ignore it, I'll just leave it at that. Then you just need to be ready to deal with the consequences and those consequences could haunt you for a long time. So let's start with the first one. Number one, if you represent yourself, then you are your own attorney. Now what does that mean? There are people who are listening who might be like, but I'm not an attorney. Well, you may hear the term pro se litigant. Well, a pro se litigant means you are your own representative. You are representing yourself.

(04:56):

And I understand, and I'm going to go into some of this a little bit later, but I understand you may not have a choice. There can be financial limitations, there could be issues where you just can't secure an attorney. I get it. But if you represent yourself, then you have to embrace the reality. You are your own attorney and therefore you, and this is, now I'm getting into the issue here. You must understand the rules. I have people call me and they're like, I did this on my own. I didn't know what I was doing. That's not a defense. Or hey, the other party I went to court, the other party had an attorney and that attorney was sort of dancing circles around me and was making objections and was doing this and that. That's not fair, that's not a defense. The court didn't let me talk.

(06:01):

More than likely it's not a defense because more than likely it's going to turn out that it's not that the judge didn't let you talk, it's that you didn't understand the rules, you didn't understand that the way a court works, you don't just go in there and get to just say whatever you want and throw documents up at the court and they consider everything you want them to consider. There are rules that must be followed and I'm choosing words very carefully, not can be followed, not should be followed, must be followed. And if you don't follow them, then this very important evidence that you want the court to hear, the court's not going to hear it.

(06:48):

So that's not a defense. I didn't understand the rules, not a defense. Opposing counsel cited laws. How am I supposed to know the law? I get it, I understand, but it's not a defense. So if you're going to represent yourself, you have to understand the rules, you have to understand the process, you have to understand if you have to go to a hearing, what that's going to look like, how you need to govern yourself, how you can get the information, turn the information into evidence. What I mean by that is there's information. How do you turn it then into something that a court can consider as evidence. And there are very specific ways to do it and there are some pieces of information that will never become evidence, rules relating to hearsay and other things, relevance, that you may not be able to get into evidence. You need to know those rules, otherwise you will get objections. Or the court just is simply going to say, no, no, no, we're not going there. That that's not coming in.

(08:05):

I've had people call many times, oh, I submitted tons of information before the trial and the court looked at none of it. Alright, that's likely because you didn't present it and get it into evidence the correct way. So it's not that the court was biased, it's not that the court was doing anything improper has nothing to do with a relationship between the judge and opposing counsel. It has to do with you just didn't do it the right way. Submitting something and filing it prior to trial doesn't mean the court is reviewing that at the hearing. You now have to make sure whatever you presented in the form of filing things with the court that you are making sure it is relevant. It's not hearsay, it doesn't break some other rules of evidence and then you have to submit it. You have to get it into evidence the correct way. So you have to understand the rules of evidence. Something else, if you do have a hearing, if you're handling this on your own, one mistake, I'm sort of tagging onto the end of this is make sure you get a transcript.

(09:23):

People will call all the time, oh, something unfair happened or this was done or the court didn't order the right thing, something was said during the hearing, but then the order reflected something different. And the first question an attorney will ask is, okay, was this taken down by a court reporter? Is there a transcript? The problem is that so often the answer is no, I didn't think I need it. I didn't think or I didn't want to spend whatever the cost was in order to have it taken down to pay my portion, my share of the takedown cost. Huge, huge problem because even if a major mistake was made, if the judge just did the absolute wrong thing, if you don't have a transcript, you can't even appeal it because you can't prove what was done during the hearing. One of the first things a court of appeals is going to look at is the transcript or maybe the judge just forgot, took down the wrong no, doesn't remember what was said. What's the best way to fix that? Hey judge, here's a copy of the transcript. Remember you ordered this, but something different was put into the order. Maybe it's even an order prepared by opposing counsel. So you have to get a transcript. Alright, when we come back 11, more of these tips that I'm pleased you have to adopt these things and it's going to help you in whatever you're doing in terms of the law. We'll be right back.

Speaker 2 (11:05):

I just wanted to let you know that if you ever wanted to listen to the show live, you can listen at 1:00 AM on Monday mornings, WSB, so you can always check us out there as

Speaker 1 (11:15):

Well. Better than counting sheep, I guess, right? That's right. You can turn on the show and we'll help you fall asleep.

Speaker 2 (11:23):

There you go. I'll talk

Speaker 1 (11:24):

Very softly.

(11:27):

Welcome back everyone to Divorce Team Radio, a show sponsored by the divorce and family law firm of Merriweather Andt Tharp. I'm your host, Todd Orton, partner at Merriweather Andt Tharp. And if you want to read more about us, you can always check us out online@atlantadivorceteam.com. And if you want to read a transcript of the show or go back and listen to shows again or read other transcripts, you can find it@divorceteamradio.com. So today, 12 incredibly important tips on basically relating to rather mistakes that people make, issues that come up again and again and again that can have a long lasting impact. And I'm talking not about a great impact, I'm talking about a negative impact and a lot of times it's avoidable. So I started with if you represent yourself, you're your own attorney, you have to educate yourself, you have to understand the rules, the rules of evidence, the process discovery, everything relating to the case, you need to.

(12:39):

Unfortunately, if you don't have an attorney who is well versed in this, then you need to become your own representative, your own attorney, which means it's going to take some work. All right, so number two, let's now jump into that, get an attorney and please, I know as I say that some of you are like, oh, of course the lawyer is saying get a lawyer. But if you've listened to this show at all, this show is not about pushing you to call any lawyer, even our firm. It's about information. It's about pushing information out there so that you can hopefully benefit. And if you need us, obviously call us.

(13:34):

But I will tell you that again and again and again and again. People will call and they'll say, oh, I did this. I didn't get an attorney. Sometimes the other side is also pro se and sometimes they have an attorney and you can probably assume what the rest of that conversation looks like, the outcome, it didn't go my way. And then the next question is, what can I do? And oftentimes, unfortunately, if it's a final trial, the answer is not much. We can talk about some things, motions for reconsideration or for a new trial, but oftentimes there's so many missteps that the answer becomes there's not much we can do. So the order is the order, and now we have to think less in terms of how do we change that order, meaning have the court go back and change it versus it's the order.

(14:32):

Let's see if there's anything now or at some point in the near future where we can modify that order. So get an attorney and now let me also be a little clear, more clear if there are financial or other constraints where you can't just retain an attorney, just understand it's not a all or nothing kind of situation if you can't retain an attorney, I understand, but at the very least, okay, because so much is riding on this, seek out an attorney just for some limited legal advice. There are options. So you can do a consult with an attorney if you know you have some issues in a case, four core areas, you have some custody issues, child support, maybe alimony is an issue, division of property and debt. Oftentimes, if you're going to be doing things, handling things yourself, representing yourself, then seek out an attorney.

(15:47):

And if you can't pay a retainer to retain them, okay, Hey Mr. Or Mrs. Attorney, can I sit down with you? Can I pay for a consult where we can look at some of my evidence, look at some of these issues and you can give me some suggestions, advice, whatever. Hey, I have a hearing coming up, I have mediation coming up. I have a final trial coming up. Can I meet with you? Go over some things, ask some questions so that way when I'm representing myself, I'm going to make fewer mistakes. I'm going to do things hopefully the right way.

(16:24):

Some attorneys, you can even do limited representation. They don't jump into the case. You have mediation coming up. You want someone to maybe step in with you, not really enter the case, but be there to help you at mediation. Okay? There are attorneys out there that may do that. So there are options. Don't think, oh gosh, I can't retain an attorney and therefore I'm on my own and there's no help to be had. Alright, let's jump to number three. You have to understand the terms of orders. Now what do I mean by that? Again and again and again and again, people will tell me that there was a court hearing, there was something that an order was entered.

(17:20):

So the inquisitive guy that I am, I will then jump in with, okay, well let's talk about the order. What does it say? And again and again, the answer will often be, well, I'm not exactly sure. I've even had people say, oh, I haven't looked at it. That is a major, major heart palpitations kind of moment issue. When someone says that to me, I'm not going to lie, I start to sweat a little bit because you can't ignore the terms of the order. A, you can't ignore the terms B, certainly you can't ignore the fact that the order exists. You can't say because it will never be a defense while I didn't look at the order. So you have to understand the terms you have to review. As painful as it might be, if you got your, you know what handed to you in court, I get it.

(18:26):

The last thing you want to do is read a little story about how things didn't go your way in court. But it's not a story, it's an order. It now requires you potentially, I'm assuming here, but it potentially requires you to do things or not do things, pay things, provide information, whatever the case might be. And I can tell you once it becomes an order, violating that order is not an option. You can't ignore it and say, oops, you can't not do the things required and look at a judge and say, but I didn't understand because this goes back to what I was saying before. If you're representing yourself, you are your own attorney. I didn't understand, not a defense even a little bit, I know I'm repeating myself, but this happens all the time. I wanted an attorney, I was saving money, but I haven't been able to afford it yet.

(19:34):

Okay? The judge will look at you and say, I respect that. I understand, but there's an order. So why did you not do the things I required? And that can result in sanctions. If you don't do the things that you are ordered to do, long-term, short-term sanctions, the court can immediately sanction in the form of legal fees if it's really significant. And in some situations it could even be jail. Very rare. I'm not trying to scare everybody, but it's possible violating a court order is just that. It's a violation of a court mandate, a required action you were supposed to do or not do something. And if you find yourself back in front of that judge on a compliance issue, the court's going to be looking at you saying, you better have a very good reason why you ignore this court's order. Otherwise you will be sanctioned.

(20:32):

And also keep in mind that it's not just an order that results from some kind of a hearing that you have. Sure you have a temporary hearing, it results in an order that that's an order. You have a final trial, it's an order. What about standing orders here in Georgia? Many if not most of the courts have what's called a standing order. It's an order that's filed at the very beginning of the case with every case and it requires or prescribes different behaviors, makes sure everybody's on the same page to do or not do certain things. And you don't even have to have a hearing on that. It's a standing order.

(21:22):

And so you have to understand those terms as well. Sometimes also referred to in some jurisdictions as a mandatory injunction that says, don't do certain things. So you must understand because you violated four core areas, custody, you could lose parenting time or custody because you violated a court order. Child support, you don't pay. You could find yourself in jail paying a bunch of legal fees, maybe you must pay the alimony. You're supposed to pay division of property if you do silly, unfortunate things with the assets, you could find yourself kicked out of your home, whatever, on a temporary basis. So you must understand the terms and comply. What I have to comply with is the end of this segment because we are out of time, but we're going to be right back and I'm going to jump back in with number four about don't procrastinate. Alright? Time's not your friend. When it comes to litigation, we'll be right back. Hey everyone, you're listening to our podcast, but you have alternatives, you have choices. You can listen to us live also at 1:00 AM on Monday morning on WSB.

Speaker 2 (22:35):

If you're enjoying the show, we would love it if you could go rate us in iTunes or wherever you may be listening to it. Give us a five star rating and tell us why you like the show.

Speaker 1 (22:48):

Welcome back everyone to Divorce Team Radio, sponsored by Meriweather and Tharp. I'm your host, Todd Orton. If you want to read more about us, you can check us out online@atlantadivorceteam.com. You want to read transcripts, listen to other shows, go back and listen to them again and again and again. You can find it@divorceteamradio.com. Alright, today, 12 tips. 12 tips regarding things you must be thinking about, things you must do or not do because it causes major problems. I know that's a very general statement, but I mean major issues in cases because things were missed, things weren't done, they were done improperly. And then people end up calling and saying, Hey, how do we fix this? And unfortunately, there isn't a way to fix all the time. So anyway, these tips, this conversation, I've had this with many different people, maybe not all 12 in one conversation, but that's the value of this show and the value of this particular episode because basically these are conversations I have with people, clients and potential clients who are going through these major life changing, life impacting cases and they tell me about what has been done or not been done.

(24:23):

And I sometimes have to look at them and give them some not great news that unfortunately the way you handled it up to this point is really unfortunately limiting what I can do to help. So I've been talking about some of the things. You're your own attorney, find an attorney if you can understand the terms of orders. So number four, what do I mean by be proactive? What I mean is this, do not procrastinate. It's not the time to put your head in the sand. You get served with let's say a divorce action right off the bat. You have 30 days, let's just say 30 days to file your answer. You don't file an answer, you may not get future notices from the court. The matter could even be put on a calendar. You don't show up. I didn't know bad things happen.

(25:28):

Only one party goes to court, the other side doesn't show up and the court moves forward with the hearing they're getting whatever they ask for. And as much as I would love to say, there are some judges who will listen to what is being proposed. And if it sounds just grossly unfair, they'll be like, all right, I'm not doing that. Oftentimes they don't know what is fair, they're only hearing one story, they ask for it, they get it. So you can't procrastinate. If you're your own attorney and you're doing this on your own, then you have to understand what the system looks like, how it works. You have to understand the rules.

(26:14):

I've had people call and they're like, I really need an attorney. Okay, listen, we're here for you. We can help. Okay, great. So I have a trial coming up in a week. Well, heart palpitations again. So I have to ask, when you say trial, what are we talking about? And we look into it and it's a final trial case has been pending for 6, 7, 8, 9 months. And I start asking questions, okay? Oh, have you done discovery? No. Have you asked for any information or gotten any information? No. What are the issues? Other kids, yes, support. I mean, do you know what kind of income? I have no idea. Alright, well what about division of property? Do you have any documents relating to retirement or any? I have no idea. And then I unfortunately have to look at this person and say, I may not be able to help. We don't have enough time to go in and properly protect you because we have zero information and it could have been avoided.

(27:26):

All you had to do was not procrastinate, is to be proactive and actually do things in a timely way. You have six months to engage in discovery. There is no reason why you can't ask basic questions. You can even go online or you can do a consult with an attorney and try and get pointed in the right direction in terms of finding discovery requests. Some courts, for instance, Fulton County, there's mandatory discovery. It's already there. It's already in essence in the case and applies to the parties. So number one, you have to respond to it. Number two, the other side has to respond and therefore getting to a final hearing and going, oh, I never got anything is absolutely unacceptable but avoidable.

(28:22):

So you have to understand deadlines, you have to just do the work because if you don't, then you'll get potentially thrust into that courtroom setting where you are being forced to defend yourself and you have zero evidence. And I've said this again and again and again, court, it's not about what you say, it's about what you can prove. What evidence are you presenting? So please, please, please don't procrastinate. Ask the questions, get the information that will give you the tools necessary to understand what you can and should fight for. What would be reasonable? I mean if you don't ask questions, you don't know that the other party won a lottery yesterday, you have no idea.

(29:27):

And so when the other side who just came into a large sum of money basically says, judge, I'll keep my accounts. He or she can keep their accounts and the judge says, okay, that's fine, that's fair. You don't know because you didn't ask. The other side has a whole bunch of money in their accounts and now you get none of it. So you must do things in a timely way, ask for information that way you are prepared. Alright, let's go to number five. You have to remember opposing counsel is not your friend or your advisor. I'm not trying to say every attorney is going to try and mislead you or take advantage of you, but there are times that a little bit of paranoia may not be a bad thing.

(30:38):

You have to assume if you're going to assume anything, you have to assume that opposing counsel is not looking after your best interests. I've had great conversations with opposing parties because I'm polite, it doesn't mean I'm not fighting for my client, but I'm very polite and I'll talk and show respect and all of those things. And if it gets even close to that line where they're looking at me and maybe asking a question, I will very clearly say, now hold on one second, I can't advise you. Just remember I represent your spouse. I do not represent you. And perhaps if you have these questions, you should find your own attorney.

(31:23):

That's not always going to be stated. And I've had people say, well, I had a phone call. My spouse was on the call and the attorney was telling us what this could look like and that could look like. So we did it and this is not fair. Well, the problem is if they protected themselves and they weren't truly advising you, then you may be stuck with those terms. And so think of it this way, opposing counsel has, like all attorneys has one mandate and that is to zealously represent their client. Their job is only to make sure that they are protecting to the best of their ability, the interests of their client, not the other side, not the other party. In fact, here in Georgia, one attorney cannot under bar rules, represent two parties in an action, two opposing parties because it's a conflict and it makes sense.

(32:41):

How can I advise person A about what would be best for them, best for them, and then turn around to person B and advise them what to argue to accomplish what is best for them? What's best for person A is clearly not the best thing for me and vice versa, it's a conflict. So people call and they're like, oh well, but opposing counsel was kind of saying, well you mean they advised you? Well, no, maybe it was going through my spouse and they said this is the way this would sort of play out or impact us. And I have to look at them and go, that's not your friend. So you can't listen to what they're advising. They're not advising you. Alright, we have a bunch more to get to as always. So we've got six more and I'm going to do it. So when we come back, we're going to start with behave. You have to behave yourself. We'll be right back.

Speaker 2 (33:43):

I just wanted to let you know that if you ever wanted to listen to the show live, you can listen at 1:00 AM on Monday mornings, WSB, so you can always check us out there as well.

Speaker 1 (33:54):

Better than Counting Sheep I guess, right? That's right. You can turn on the show and we'll help you fall asleep.

Speaker 2 (34:02):

There you go. I'll talk

Speaker 1 (34:02):

Very softly.

(34:07):

Welcome back everyone. I'm Todd. And this is Divorce Team Radio Show sponsored by the divorce and family law firm of Merriweather and Thorpe. If you want to read more about us, check us out online@atlantadivorceteam.com. If you want to read transcripts or listen to shows, again, you can find it@divorceteamradio.com. So I'm talking today and I'm going to talk a little bit faster. I'm talking about these common pitfalls, 12 things you must be thinking about if you're going to go through a case, and especially if you're going through it on your own. Meaning if you don't have an attorney, so not going to repeat what we've talked about, that you have to understand what you're doing. You have to understand the rules. Find an attorney if you can. Understand terms of orders, be proactive, don't procrastinate. But number six, behave. Just remember you are under a legal microscope, so anything you do can come up in the context of a hearing or a trial.

(35:20):

You have to govern yourself accordingly. People call and they'll be like, I went to court and the judge basically threw the book at me, not literally. And I'll start to dig in, well, tell me a little bit more about what happened. Tell me what the order says. Tell me what basically you think caused the judge to take such a strong position. And it turns out that there were things that were done that I have to look at them and go, I kind of understand you lost your temper. You maybe put your hands on the other party, maybe you didn't, but you threw something or you damaged property at your house or whatever. And now all of a sudden the court is concerned for the safety of the other party and maybe you're out of the house recordings and other things of behavior that could potentially cause the court to be concerned.

(36:31):

You have to at all times be thinking, forget about right, wrong. You should already, I mean this show, if you're not thinking in terms of right, wrong, then there's nothing I can do or say to change that, forget about right, wrong. Just think about the fact that at some point there is a judge, I'm not talking about the ultimate judge. I'm talking about a true black robe, gavel, wielding judge who will look and be critical of certain behavior. And that could absolutely impact your case. You lie, you cheat, you steal, you act aggressively, whatever the case might be. And it can absolutely have a direct impact and oftentimes does have a direct impact on how the court resolves the four core issues. Number seven, everything you say, I've said this so many times, can and will be used against you. You have to assume that.

(37:36):

So if you are on a phone call, and again you need to, I'm going to blend seven and eight. Eight is you have to educate yourself on the law regarding recording of conversations. Georgia is a one party notice state. Some states are two party notice states. You have to, whenever I do these shows, it's coming from the perspective of Georgia law. If you're listening from somewhere else, you need to educate yourself about the law relating to recording conversations. But even if it's a two party notice state, just so you understand, there are ways to get into evidence. Things that you said there might've been a witness or you said something, the other party immediately wrote something down and goes in and convinces the court. You said or did something. Remember that if you say something, and I mean I have used some doozies against people in court, social media posts, emails, texts where recordings, videos where I go in and that party who is sitting there going, I'm a great dad, I'm a great husband, I'm this, I'm that. I'm a great wife, the other party is the bad person or does the bad things. And all of a sudden there's this recording, there's a text, there's an email, and it tells a very different story to the judge. And if the judge has been listening to you talk about how calm and collected you are and then here's all of these recordings and sees this other evidence that paints a much different picture, not only could the judge deal with that behavior, but now your credibility is destroyed in front of that judge.

(39:38):

And if that's a temporary hearing, you've just destroyed the credibility in front of the judge who may be the one that has to hear the final trial. And well, maybe the judge doesn't take you at your word at that final trial because your credibility is gone. So educate yourself on the law regarding recording of conversations because people make mistakes constantly and on both sides you record it the wrong way or you talk, you say things, it's recorded and you're sitting there going, but I didn't think you could do what you think doesn't matter. Did you educate yourself on the law? Number nine, consider the source of legal advice. I'm not going to spend a lot of time on that one just because its sounds like advice doesn't mean it's good advice just because someone walks up to you, I don't care if they are your best friend, your closest confidant, your closest relative.

(40:46):

I don't care if you think that they are just a big bulbous, head genius, brainiac the smartest person ever to walk. Just because they're saying this is what should happen in your case doesn't mean it's correct. And it might be wrong, not simply because it goes against let's say state law. It could be wrong simply because the advice is coming from a different place. They are giving advice based on their own experience or a different experience that they heard about. But your situation and the facts in your situation are very different. So now all of a sudden you take that advice, you start acting a certain way. And when it doesn't play out that way, and not only that, maybe your behavior gets used against you.

(41:39):

So really when I say something like this, when I again and again tell people, just be careful who you are getting legal advice from. I've had people even say, I talked to somebody at the clerk's office and I'm saying this, and if someone in a clerk's office, I mean call me if you are taking offense at this, but none is intended. The people in the clerk's offices, they do a fantastic job. But you know what? They're not not attorneys or at least I'm going to say most of them. There might be someone out there who also is an attorney, but they're not attorneys. And I have people call me and they're like, but the person in the clerk's office told me this. Okay, I don't know what to do with that because that's not accurate. Or maybe you misunderstood what they said. But in any event, you shouldn't be taking legal advice from someone in the clerk's office who is probably under strict rules not to offer any type of advice to people.

(42:45):

Alright, number 10, don't spend like there's no tomorrow people, they go into a divorce and all of a sudden they're buying cars, they're buying jewelry and money is disappearing. Do you think that's not going to be considered by the court? Do you think that the court might not ultimately take assets from somewhere else to compensate the other party and make things equal? And then on top of that, it looks pretty bad. The judge could very well see that as bad behavior, which can destroy credibility and impact future decisions made by the court. Number 11, very important. I've done shows on this, so I'm not going to spend a lot of time, not because it's not important, but because we're running out of time, do not put the kids in the middle.

(43:36):

Don't use them to ferry messages back and forth. This is the time to insulate them, keep them away from the tension you are experiencing with the other party. A, it's the right thing to do. I have seen children that are just emotionally torn up. And then on the legal side, if you think a court's not going to see this kind of behavior and potentially do something about this behavior, I've seen people lose custody. Primary custodial parents lose that, right? Because they don't know how to protect their kids. And then finally, don't attempt settlement until you are prepared. All these things I've been talking about, mediation is a normal thing in divorces and divorce litigation. But going in unprepared, not questions, gathering the information that you need is a huge mistake. If you're not prepared, then you're not prepared and you could enter into terms that have long lasting impact. And if you wake up a week, a month, whatever later and you're like, oh my gosh, what did I do? It's too late. You can't go back to court and go, that's not fair. You're done. Those terms are now binding. Alright. The other thing I can't do anything about is the fact that we are out of time. I hope the information helps. Thanks so much for listening. I.