What Is Co-parenting?
Co-parenting involves the shared
activity of two adults who are responsible for the care and upbringing of their
child(ren). While the parents' romantic relationship may have come to an end,
they should put aside their differences and prioritize
the responsibility of parenting their child(ren).
Why is Co-parenting Important?
The parents' ability or inability to cooperate
as co-parents will impact the well-being of the child(ren) for years to come. A
child's relationship with his or her parent will likely influence their relationships
for the rest of their life. Furthermore, a contentious relationship between
parents has been shown to impact children both internally through anxiety and
depression, and externally through aggression and illegal behaviors.
The co-parenting relationship should demonstrate
to the child(ren) that their childhood and well-being is more important than
the conflict which ended the parents' relationship.
How to Co-parent
A
successful co-parent will need to put aside the personal relationship with
their ex, in order to prioritize the well-being of their child(ren). Although it may prove difficult, both parents
must learn to cooperate and collaborate with the other parent .
Divorce and separation often cause a
break down in trust and communication, but co-parenting will require effort and
adjustments to work together for the best of your child(ren).
Communication and Respect
Co-parents should learn to tolerate and
respect one another, because children and grandchildren will likely keep them coming
into contact for years to come. A responsible co-parent will communicate respectfully and regularly on
decisions and parenting time concerning the child(ren). Parents should be on time for pick-up
and drop-off, but be flexible that schedules must change from time to time.
A co-parent should speak to and about the
other parent in a respectful manner, especially when children are around. Be
mindful of how you speak and act around your ex, because children listen and
pick up on more than you think.
Don't Put Your Kids in the Middle
Any plans or arrangements should be
made with the other parent, not the child(ren). The divorce, finances, and
other adult subjects should not be discussed in the presence of the child(ren).
Parenting
Be careful regarding the thoughts and
emotions you share with your child(ren); your child is not your therapist. A
good parent should take care of themselves mentally and physically, as much as
they care for their child(ren). You are best equipped to care for the needs of
your child(ren) when you are mentally and physically fit.
Parents should be there for their child(ren)
both physically and emotionally. If necessary, coordinate with your co-parent,
so at least one parent can attend every event concerning your child.
Communicate with your child(ren)
regarding pick-ups, drop-offs, and the day-to-day details of their lives. Be mindful
that transitions between homes can be difficult for children.
Understand that your child(ren) may
feel confusion or guilt concerning their
parents' separation. Be there for your child(ren) if they wish to talk, but
also be open to therapy, if your child wishes to speak with a neutral, third
party.
Written by: Rebekah Ann James