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If you have divorce questions

Should I Confront My Spouse’s Lover?

Post affair, the other woman (or man) is likely the object of several of your most intense negative emotions. You may be wondering; "Who is this person?" "Why are they doing this?" "What does this person have that I don't?" and "Should I confront them about the affair?"

Whether or not to confront your spouse's lover after discovering the infidelity is a deeply personal decision. However, if you are considering confronting your spouse's affair partner, you should seriously consider the following:

  • Why? - What are your motives? Do you desire to confront the other man or woman in an effort to end the affair, or are you looking for an apology? Regardless of your motivations, please know that you will likely be disappointed. Remember, especially if this person knew your spouse was married, it is very likely that he or she has no sympathy for you. Before seeking to confront your spouse's lover, consider the possibility that such a meeting may actually do more harm than good.
  • They may be crazy - Safety first. Regardless of whether you know the person your spouse is cheating with, no one likes to be confronted. Especially in cases such as this, individuals tend to react severely. Please, don't needlessly risk your safety.
  • Don't expect an apology - As mentioned above, if your goal in seeking to confront your spouse's lover is to seek an apology, stop now. It is very likely you will not get one. In fact, it is not uncommon for the lovers of adulterous spouses to actually blame the injured spouse for pushing the cheating spouse away.

Where does your spouse stand? - Is the affair still ongoing, or has it ended? If the affair is still ongoing, there is a risk that confronting the lover may only add fuel to the fire. Although this may be hard to phantom, confronting your spouse's lover may be an ego boost to your spouse. Please save yourself this humiliation. Although it may be tempting, it is often the case that the answer to the above posed question is a resounding "NO!" It usually isn't worth it.


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