Custody arrangements often require compromise and sacrifice. Negotiating and reaching a custody settlement with your ex, rather than leaving it up to a judge to decide, however, can make the compromise/sacrifice more tolerable. This is because, if you and your ex reach an agreement, then you have both compromised to a point where you are still comfortable and at least partially happy with the end result. You have not given up control over the situation. On the other hand, if you leave it up to the Judge, you relinquish control over the outcome and the Judge may order a custody arrangement with which neither party is fully satisfied. You both will have made sacrifices, but they may be harder to swallow because you are being told what to do rather than having control over the final arrangement.
Tennis star Victoria Azerenka was recently forced to make a huge sacrifice in her custody battle with her estranged husband, Billy McKeague. Tennis Star Victoria Azarenka: Custody War Forcing Me to Skip U.S. Open, tmz.com, August 11, 2017. Azarenka and McKeague have been in a heated custody dispute over their 8-month-old son since their split in July. A California judge recently told Azarenka that she cannot take the child out of the state until the custody trial is over. However, Azarenka is scheduled to play in the U.S. Open at the end of August. Azarenka doesn't think McKeague is capable of caring for the child on his own and, thus, she doesn't want to go to New York without him. Further, Azarenka offered to pay for McKeague's travel and hotel for the two weeks she is scheduled in New York so that he won't have to be away from the child during that time, but the Judge rejected this offer. Thus, Azarenka has to decide between playing in the U.S. Open or skipping the tournament to stay in California with her son.
It's unclear whether McKeague would have been open to Azarenka's offer to fly him to New York and put him up in a hotel during the tournament. However, since a Judge was forced to intervene, it can be inferred that McKeague was opposed to Azarenka traveling with the child. Thus, in this case, a failure to come to a compromise on this issue has taken away Azarenka's opportunity to play in the U.S. Open and McKeague's opportunity for an all-expense paid trip to New York.