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Is My Spouse Cheating?

One of the most typical reasons for divorce is adultery. Depending upon the circumstances, it may be very difficult to determine if your spouse is cheating. Before engaging the services of a private investigator or taking other means of tracking your spouse’s activities, observing your spouse’s behavior may help you determine if your spouse may be cheating, if further steps are necessary or if it is time to consider speaking with a Atlanta divorce lawyer.

Depending upon the circumstances, it may be very difficult to determine if your spouse is cheating.

Below are 10 common behavioral signs that may indicate that your spouse is having an affair. None of these signals are conclusive, but if you observe your spouse exhibiting several of the behaviors listed below, you should strongly consider that something is amiss in your relationship.

  1. Your spouse spends more time away - One signal that often leads individuals to suspect that their spouse is cheating is if he or she is constantly away from home or constantly making excuses to leave the home. If your spouse is beginning to spend less and less time with you and your family, or if your spouse is constantly seeking reasons to leave the home for extended periods of time, without explanation, your spouse may be having an affair.

  2. Your spouse changes their normal grooming habits - Has your spouse begun to care more about his or her personal appearance lately? Does he or she wear new or different cologne, make-up or attire? If your spouse is suddenly seeking ways to enhance his or her attractiveness, despite your assurances that he or she is perfect the way they are, your spouse may be seeking to impress another romantic interest.

  3. Your spouse is no longer interested in intimacy - Another red flag that you spouse may be engaging in an extramarital affair is if your spouse is no longer interested in being intimate with you. If your spouse is cheating, he or she may have exhausted their sexual energy. In this case, they may not have the desire to be intimate.

  4. Your spouse has friends of the opposite sex that you know nothing about - Have you recently discovered that your spouse is maintaining a friendship with a member of the opposite sex? Is your spouse hesitant to give you details or even general information about this friendship? This may be a sign that your spouse is engaged in an affair, especially if your spouse spends extended periods of time with this friend.

  5. Your spouse becomes more secretive and dishonest - Secrecy and dishonesty are major indications that your spouse may be having an affair. If your spouse is secretive about his or her whereabouts, activities, computer usage or phone usage, you may have cause for concern. If your spouse’s secrecy is often coupled with dishonesty, regarding his or her activities, your spouse may be engaging in an extramarital affair. No matter how seemingly small the deception, deceit is a red flag that something is amiss in your relationship.

  6. Your spouse becomes more autonomous - If your spouse has become more comfortable engaging in activities alone, especially activities that you two once shared, your spouse may be having an affair or considering having an affair. Spouses who are considering or engaging in an affair seek to separate themselves from their current relationship in order to ease their guilt about their indiscretions.  If your spouse ceases speaking in terms of “we” and begins to speak in terms of “I,” you should be concerned that your spouse is (or at least is considering) cheating on you.

  7. Your spouse is no longer interested in you or your relationship - Often coupled with increased autonomy is an increasing disinterest in the relationship by the cheating spouse. If you find that your spouse no longer plans for, or considers, the future of your relationship or if your spouse no longer cares about the success of your relationship, your spouse may be having an affair.

  8. Your spouse constantly initiates arguments - Another common sign that may indicate that your spouse is having an affair is if he or she constantly starts arguments. An additional red flag is if during these arguments, your spouse accuses you of cheating or makes comments regarding their unhappiness with the relationship. Many spouses who engage in affairs develop feelings of guilt and, in turn, try to demonize their spouse in order to justify their own behavior.

  9. Your friends discern that something is awry in your relationship - It is often easier to recognize problems in a relationship from an objective standpoint. Thus, it may be easier for your friends or family members to recognize disharmony in your relationship. Frequently, individuals fail or refuse to recognize the red flags associated with infidelity. Thus, if your friends or family members indicate to you that there may be a problem, do not dismiss them. They may be able to clue you in to facts or behaviors that you may have overlooked.

  10. You feel something is amiss - The one thing that individuals often overlook is their own gut feelings. It is highly likely that you know your spouse better than anyone else in the world. Thus, if you feel that something is irregular, or if you notice changes in your spouse’s behavior, do not take these indications for granted. It is best to trust yourself and your gut.  Take a moment to determine the root of your feelings.

Do not rush to judgment. If your spouse is guilty of one or several of the behaviors on the list above, it may indeed be a sign that he or she is cheating. However, noticing these behaviors in your spouse is not conclusive. If your spouse is engaging in any of these behaviors, it may also indicate that your relationship is suffering in some other way, whether from a lack of communication, trust or understanding. Either way, it is important to communicate your feelings to your spouse and refrain from blaming or accusing. Jumping to conclusions may permanently damage the relationship.  Seek to understand your spouse’s behavior first. However, if your spouse is unwilling to help resolve your marital strife, contact a knowledgeable divorce attorney for advice on what additional steps to take to discover whether your spouse is cheating. 

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